Life, death, confusion, clarity...

I feel the need to apologize to anyone out there who has been waiting for a new post from me. I just haven't been in the mood to write much lately. I guess part of it is that we got cable recently and now I have like 5 million channels to choose from, so who has time to blog?? Seriously!

Also, there has been a lot of sad stuff happening over the past several weeks. In May, I knew of 3 young men all in their twenties, who died within 2 weeks of each other (2 of drug overdoses and one young man who fell down a flight of stairs and died). My neighbor's grandmother also passed away in May. I then learned about a boating accident that took the life of my sister-in-law and niece's hairdresser/friend. She too was in her twenties. Just two weeks ago I learned of the tragic death of my friend Nancy's brother Jack, who drowned following a seizure, while swimming alone in a pool. This past week I learned that my sister and brother-in-law's nephew, age 21, died of a drug overdose. And then this past Sunday I went to the wake of a neighbor and fellow parishoner from St. Mary's church. Amy, wife to Brendan and mother to 5 year old Emily, lost her 4 year battle with cancer late last week. The thing is, I didn't know she had cancer. I didn't even know she was sick. Jeff (my husband) found out about her wake from our priest as he was leaving church on Sunday.

Even though funny things continue to happen in my life, such as Kelly pooping in the tub tonight, I have found that my thoughts have been on life, death and life after death, lately.

Life is messy. We say things such as, "A parent should never have to bury their child." Well you know what? A 5 year old child should not have to be without her mother. I think we have this notion of what life is supposed to be, or what we all want it to be. For me it goes something like this: you're born, you live a healthy, happy and full life, and then you die when you're old. Now, the older I get the older "old" gets, so for me old is around 88. When I'm 60 maybe "old" will be 100, who knows. However, this type of life I just wrote of doesn't exist. I'm beginning to realize that life is not about the time you spend living it or even what you accomplish during it. Life is about something we don't (or can't) understand. I mean yes, we are supposed to trust, love and have faith in God, treat others the way we would like to be treated ourselves, be selfless, be humble etc. But some people die before they are even old enough to know how to accomplish these things. What I do know is that being created...existing...living...gives us the opportunity to one day die, and then live again with God, our Father, who loves us with a love that brought us into being in the first place.

I believe that the ultimate goal of life is to one day make it to heaven, because let's face it, that's were the good stuff is. This "life" that we speak of wanting here on earth really and truly exists in heaven. The bonus is that it never ends. To live in a place where there is no suffering, no war, no pollution, a place where there is always joy and laughter, and all questions are finally answered, and loved ones are reunited with each other, and chocolate rains down from the sky (at least this is what happens in my heaven).....THIS is the LIFE I want to have.

So for now I will continue to turn to God in prayer for those who are suffering, for those who have lost loved ones, for those who have passed on, and for all the other intentions that need to be prayed for. I will also pray for God to help me make sense of things that I cannot understand and to continue to trust in Him above all else. I guess that's all for now. It's late and I don't even know if I'm making any sense with this post. I just wanted to honor those who, I think, have died too young, and too tragically, in the past few months. And for my neighbor's grandmother, who DID have the opportunity to live a full life, but is still so very missed.