After A Day in the Yard

This is what I think childhood should look like. After a day of playing you should look dirty, happy, shoeless, and I guess in Kelly's case, pantless.

Future NHL player??

Brian had his first ever hockey/learn to skate lesson, today. I think he looks like a hockey player. He's even got the sweaty helmet hair going!

More Hoarding

Breakfast would not be complete without having every single toy you possess, at the table with you.

I've got my EYE on you!

I took my kids to McDonald's for lunch today. When we entered Mcd's a young (VERY young) mother, who was sitting with her son (about 4) and her sister (because they totally looked alike), smiled at me, and I at her (I have to mention this pleasant exchange because it's important to the story). I sat the kids down in a booth and we began eating. Soon after we sat, the young woman and her sister finished eating and sat down to enjoy the free wi-fi courtesy of Mcd's. I can only assume that the two women were checking their email or got sucked into facebook (something I know nothing about), because they were totally ignoring the little boy. The little boy's displeasure of being ignored started of mild but quickly escalated.

Initially he just wandered around Mcd's but he seemed to get bored with that because he began spinning the chairs around at a table where a guy was eating (mother and sister completely oblivious to this, and they guy finally said something to the little boy), then he started climbing all over the stacks of high chairs, then he stood WAY too close to my table (actually right at my table) staring at my kids and making faces at them, etc. etc. The mother and sister would take intermittent breaks from the computer to yell at him to "stop it" or to "come here", but then they would turn their backs to him and get back to important computer stuff. (Did I mention that the mother was really young, no wedding band, pregnant, and in a totally tight "boob overflowing" tank top, with low rise jeans?? I'm just trying to help develop a mental picture for all of you).

The final straw for me was when he went over to his mother and took the unopened straw for her drink. THIS got her attention. She said something like, "I take you to McDonald's for a hamburger and an ice cream and this is how you act? See if we come here again!" Turns out he took the straw to open it up for her, because he then brought it back and put it in her drink. However, she didn't say "thank you" but rather, pulled the drink out of his hands and told him to "knock it off". Honestly, my heart was breaking for this kid. It was at this point that I made eye contact with THE MOTHER and I SPOKE to her. It was ALL for the kid folks, I was just feeling so bad for him.

Before I tell you what I said, let me say this: I knew that anything I said to her would not be taken in the best way, I knew it would seem confrontational, and I knew something would be said back. However, I am still laughing (and in slight shock) over the extent of the reaction. So back to what happened: I smiled and said, "I think he's acting out because he's not getting any attention from you." WELL, this resulted in my getting a verbal assault from both the mother and her sister, and it lasted for a few minutes. I heard, " He gets plenty of attention at home," and "Come here Shawn, come here Shawny, you get more attention than you need at home," and, "I'm in school nights to be a teacher, so don't you tell ME how to treat kids." It continued on as they walked out the door, but when I ever looked out the window to see the sister making a circle around her eye, pointing at me and then mouthing, "I've got my EYE on you!", that I totally lost it and just started laughing (but I didn't laugh in her direction because I started to get freaked that she might be in a gang or something and that she actually would be waiting for me in the parking lot!) Below I've recreated the parking lot scene.

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The best part came after they left. A family had witnessed the whole thing and as I passed them on my way out the husband said, "You were right in what you said," and then his wife (who was half my size, in both height and weight) said she would have "had my back" if it had gone any further. (still laughing at that one). How did my kids handle all this you ask? There was a HUGE t.v. at this McD's with a Mickey Mouse show on....yeah, my kids were oblivious to everything besides the tube!
I'm glad I said something. I'm all for speaking up for those who can't speak up for themselves. In this instance, I spoke up for a little boy, who I'm sure, was not being ignored for the first time.

That Kelly....again.

My newest fear is that Kelly is going to be on "Hoarders: Buried Alive", someday. The items needed in her crib for sleep have significantly grown in the last few weeks. Kelly is currently sleeping with the following: two blankets, three baby dolls, two dogs, three bears, the book "Corduroy", Princess Jasmine, a Princess Ariel candle, and of course, her pacifier.

When Kelly wakes up in the morning we greet each other, I pick her up, and then she begins the rundown of the things she needs for the day: "a bankie, and a bear, and a book, and a baby, and a baby, and a baby"...you get the picture. This morning Jeff went in to get her and I could hear her start the run-down of items she would need for the day. However, new to the list were her "toy box" (a multi-colored shape/gadget box) filled with toys, and "sun-gyasses". Kelly toddled out of her room, sat on the couch with some of her gear and was ready to start the day!

Vermont Vacation - National Lampoon Style

If you've ever seen National Lampoon's "Vacation", you're sure the get the humor of this post.

My parents decided to take a mini-vacation up to Vermont for their 39th wedding anniversary, and what they ended up learning is that looks can be deceiving (or at least brochures can be deceiving). After seeing pictures of a 4 star hotel they made their reservation, jumped in the car and headed to Vermont. However, upon getting out of the car they noticed that the hotel didn't quite match up with the lovely brochure, but they decided to check in anyway (being daring duo that they are). I guess things went from bad, to worse, to down right awful. The swimming pool was so murky you couldn't see the bottom (and ducks may have actually been swimming in it), the nets on the tennis courts were being held up by strings, there was no soap in their bathroom, and there were cigarette butts in the ashtray out on their deck. Now at this point, and this is just me (not saying anything bad about you mom and dad), I would have left. Unfortunately for my parents, they decided to sit out on the deck for a while (there's nothing like the smell of fresh Vermont air intermingled with the smell of used cigarette butts). When my dad sat down he disrupted a yellow jacket nest and was stung in the eye (I know, I know...you don't want to laugh, but feel you have to, but you don't want to because bee stings really hurt, but you can't help yourself...really, it's okay....let it all out). After finding shelter in their room and applying ice to my dad's eye (sorry you got stung dad), my parents decided to check out. This is a good thing, because if they hadn't I may have had to call their overall cognitive functioning into question. So, on they went to their new hotel and I believe that everything at this place was fine until the next morning when my mom went to take a shower and there was no water. Yes that's right, no water. They informed the front desk and the reply was, "Oh, that pump must be broken again. We'll fix it right now." One could make a series of "You know you're in Vermont when..." jokes, at this point.
My parents now faced a brand new day, full of possibilities, and full of more deceptive brochures! My mom had a brochure of a quaint, family run dairy farm that made it's own cheese and maple syrup. The brochure showed a beautiful red farm house, barn, pastures with cows grazing...just beautiful. And so my mom convinced my dad, who we'll call "swollen one eye" at this point, to take a drive through country to the dairy farm. Thankfully, and I mean THANK GOD the drive was beautiful, because the dairy farm was well, the pits. The farm house was run down, there wasn't much of a pasture, and the only cow in site was one baby cow tied to a tree just outside the barn. My father refused to get out of the car (good move dad). My mom ventured in the farm house to find 6 women, all with long gray hair (she said they looked like they had just come from Woodstock), sitting in a circle dunking cheese in wax. They were very friendly though, and told my mom that there was a room down the hall where she could view a six minute video on how to make maple syrup. I think she smiled, stood there for a minute and then left. My mom got to the car, I think there was laughter (I hope there was laughter), and then the decision to drive back home was made (just about 24 hours after they arrived). It's kind of a sad yet funny, but in a sad way, story.
Fast forward to this past Tuesday and my dad's birthday. My mom found a pair of white leather loafers at Kohl's in my dad size, marked down to $6.50 on clearance (go Deb!), which she wrapped and gave to my dad. The loafers looked much like the loafers "Cousin Eddie" gave to Clark Griswald in Vacation. It was very funny and very appropriate.
May the celebration of my parent's 40th wedding anniversary be the complete opposite of what happened this year.
Love you mom and dad (and I LOVE the new shoes, dad)!

Please note the golfers tan.

Boy do those glow against the darkness of the evening sky!

That Kelly

Kelly is 20 months...going on 6. Today she went outside and decided that she didn't want her sweatshirt on and so I offered to help take it off. Kelly put her hand up and said, "NO! I do I-self." And she did, she unzipped her sweatshirt and took it off. Kelly likes to do a lot of other things "I-self", such as climbing into her car seat, going up and down stairs, brushing her teeth (but not well), etc. Kelly also likes to participate in the question and answer segment of Dora the Explorer, and usually gets all the questions wrong (but just hearing her answer is just so darn cute and FUNNY!). At the end of the show on marine life there were questions being given with two choices for answers i.e., "How many feet does the hump back whale have, 2 or none?", and Kelly shouts out, "TWO!". The next questions was, "What does the whale eat, plankton or fruit salad?", and Kelly shouts out, "FRUIT SALAD!" (She's 20 months old for crying out loud!!). Today at dinner Jeff was asking Brian and Kate what they did at school, and getting answers out of them was like pulling teeth. However, Kelly chimes in, "At school!" Jeff said, "Oh Kelly, what did you do at school?", and Kelly answers, "balloons!" (she did see balloons at the school). What Kelly wasn't able to tell Jeff was that while waiting for Brian and Kate to come out of their classrooms, she shoved another little boy (bigger than her, mind you) because he was trying to play with the toy she was playing with. We're in trouble when she starts school!
That Kelly, she keeps us laughing! She also keeps life challenging because screaming and screeching continue to be a favorite passtime of hers. Eh, we'll keep her though...her cuteness, personality, wit and love for cuddling make her just a little doll.

Updated fb posts

I asked my kids what they wanted to get my dad for his birthday tomorrow. My daughter said, "Um, I think he would like a New Buzz Light Year, Rex, and a Princess Ariel doll." I then asked my son and he said, "A curtain." I think they think my dad is a kid and/or a woman. On the positive side, those ARE real things,... unlike the suggestion of giving my husband a "blow hole" for Father's Day this past year.

Dare I say I've just made the best blueberry pancakes (from scratch) the world has ever known?? Oh, I think I do!

‎"You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearing these bad boys? Forget about it." Napoleon Dynamite....so classic! "TINA, you fat LARD, come get some DINNER!" Can't. stop. laughing.

.I just misread a bottle of Head and Shoulders and thought it read, "removes hair and scalp" (it actually reads, "improves hair and scalp"....I did a double take on that one).

The pediatrician wants me to try and "assist" my little jumping bean gain some weight. Easier said than done. Her favorite foods are, frozen orange juice ice cube pops, frozen blueberries, and baby food green beans. Tonight we went to Bertucci's with the kids. Guess what Kelly ate? The ice cubes from my water. I need to go on her diet.

This past weekend Jeff and I were telling the kids that we have a lot of celebrations coming up in November (my birthday, his birthday, mommy and daddy's anniversary). When I mentioned Brian's birthday and his being born he said, "Oh mommy, you were soooo excited to push your Brian out of your bum that day." Yeah, something like that.

On the heels of my "white skin" post I'd also like to add that my skin has decided to turn 16 & start breaking out again. You know, if I'm going to be covering up zits at 36 (hey that rhymes) then I want to get carded at bars or SOMETHING! COME ON! I'm heading to Whole Foods for wine, they card everyone. I saw them... card an elderly woman the other day, but I'll just pretend they're carding me b/c I look so young.

I love Fall for some common reasons i.e., cooler air, apple picking, apple pie, foliage, pumpkin scented candles etc. However, there is another reason Fall is the bomb. Now this may come as a shock to many of you, but I have fair skin and I don't really tan (I know, you can all pick your jaws up off the floor). About half way through Fall everyone else begins to look like me again, and this brings me joy :-)

I was lying in bed this morning and my son came in to lie next to me. We were talking & I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up & he said, "A dad and then an astronaut." He told me he was going to marry Tessa and they would have 4 kids. I asked him what his job would be when he was a dad and he said, "to give money to the mommy, Tessa." Smart smart boy I've got :-)

Can't find a better man, because I've got the BEST man.

Three cups of sangria along with a huge slice of cake in the late afternoon/ evening = super strange dreams (& up at 2 am, hence the post time of my new pics). Why strange? Example: Being at a gay bar called "Go Bananas" where people jumped off the bar into knee deep water to then run full speed, with their head down ...(like a bull), into another person's stomach trying to knock them down.

I made pan seared boneless pork chops on Sun night. My son asked what they were. He refused to try them b/c he doesn't like pork (he doesn't even know what pork is). I MADE him put a bite in his mouth & he gagged to the point of near vomiting. Tonight I made pan seared pork chops again (they're on sale this week). ... I told my son they were chicken. He ate them all up saying it was the BEST chicken he'd ever had.

I decided to watch a full episode of The Jersey Shore last night (curiosity mostly), and what I'm wondering is this: How can I get back the 30 minutes of my life that are now lost and gone forever from watching such utter crap? My jaw had dropped so far to the ground that I think an ant crawled in my mouth. I seriously apologized to God for wasting away part of my life....horrifying!

Just found part of a petrified hot dog under the coffee table...boy did it look scared!

Sometimes it is VERY hard to feel "blessed" or find "The Silver Lining" when all three of my children are screaming/crying/needing me at the same time. I just feel the need to be very real here b/c people are always very vocal about how wonderful their children are/they love them more than life itself/they can't imagine life without them, and while all this is true, sometimes it's good to hear the other truth too.

Wow! ABC just gave me 4 (maybe 5) more reasons to NEVER watch Dancing with the Stars. What's the definition of "star" that they're using, anyway??

My 3 yr old asks daily if I'll play princess dolls with her & every day I try but I only last about 5 minutes - it's SO boring! Finally today I just said to her, "Mommy just isn't good at playing princess dolls." A little while later she had her princess dolls & some farm animals. She handed me a dog and said, "Are ...you good at playing dogs?" How could I say NO. So we played princess dolls and dogs (& I yawned).

If Justin Timberlake can bring sexy back, then I can bring funny back (at least in my own mind....because that's where all the crazy thoughts come from....must. stop. thinking. so. much.)

I made a mental note not to put my hands in the soapy sink water because I had just put the blade attachment from the juicer into that water to soak. Unfortunately I forgot that I have no memory. Happily I only sliced the tops of a few finger nails or there would have been A BIG SCENE over here!!

Ever want to break out into song like they do on Glee? What would you sing in your home right now? Here, you ask? Well, we'd have a medley of "Cry Me a River", "You Drive Me Crazy", "Welcome to the Jungle" and of course, "I Will Always Love You."

On Monday I read two posts that people had a "case of the Mondays", today I've read three posts of people asking for positive energy/ thoughts or asking to be cheered up, and I've also read two posts stating that this has been the longest week EVER. What is UP with this week?? Because I'll tell ya right now, I'm feeling it too!!! Oh, and there have also been two liquid dinners posted this week too :-)

I noticed my son put his hand over the pile of almonds I had given him (a food he DOES like), & he slowly started sliding his hand to the edge of the table. I said, "what are you doing?" He replied (like a deer in headlights), "I was accidentally sliding these off the table onto the floor bc I don't really want them...." I said, "well maybe you should accidentally put them in your mouth and eat them."

If you're crazy and you know it clap your hands (clap clap), if you're crazy and you know it stomp your feet (stomp stomp), if you're crazy and you know it and you surely wanna show it, if you're crazy and you know it, have a drink! (or 5). Allllrighty then....time to get the troops dressed and out the door before I post something strange.

I believe that I've gone crazy today. I'm serious. I'm officially crazy. I just finished screaming at my kids and thinking about how much I detest my life at this moment in time, only to open up facebook and burst out laughing because someone got stung by a bee (i.e., tears streaming down my face, laughing). I believe they call the state I'm in manic.

I was just thinking about how my parent's will have been married for 39 years this coming Saturday, and was marveling at how long that is. Then I had this major revelation that they have been married longer than I'VE been ALIVE! Well, DUH!!!! I said this a few days ago and I'll say it again...I'm in charge of the ca...re and upbringing of three other human beings....scary!

I'm confused about Katy Perry...is she a good singer or not? Are her songs good? I don't know....I heard "California Gurls" 1 1/2 times yesterday (only 1/2 the second time because I was starting to get a dull headache). Why is she famous?? Honestly, Taylor Swift baffles me too....she kind of talk-sings...but I guess her songs are catchy?? WHY do I care???.......

My kids are scarfing down their "Deceptively Delicious" spinach and carrot brownies right now.....heh heh heh! Oh, and if ANY of you tell them what they're really eating (especially Brian, who gags at the site of anything green), I'll de-friend you IMMEDIATELY!

The restaurant I mentioned in my last post was where Jeff and I had our second date. That was the night I called him "Steve" and then when I laughed nervously after calling him the wrong name, I blew a snot bubble out of my nose....twice. I think it was at that very moment that Jeff knew, I was...THE ONE!

I went to a restaurant, sat at a bar and had dinner by myself tonight. Sure I looked like a big loser but I'll tell you one thing, I bet I was the happiest girl in the joint! (of course I would have been just as happy, if not happier if Jeff were with me, but alone was just fine with me tonight!).

I was talking to my brother on my cell phone today. While talking to my brother (on my cell phone) I was looking for my cell phone, so I could make a call after I got off the phone with him. I'm in charge of three small children....is anyone else (other than myself) scared for their safety??

At around 1 1/2 yrs of age children realize that "going to the bathroom (#2)" is a private thing. A child will go stand in a corner or behind a chair to be alone/hidden. Tonight we went to a playground/ball field. Jeff & the kids & I were the only ones there. Where did Kelly go for her "private" time? The pitcher'...s mound-right smack in the middle of the ball field. BUT, she DID cover her eyes - for privacy.

My mother woke up to the sound of bleating sheep. When she looked out the window there was a flock of about 8 in the front yard. When she looked out again there was a Duxbury cruiser in her yard. Out she went in her bathrobe - there had been a report of a flock of sheep wandering around Parks street. While talking ...to the cop a flock of wild turkeys ran by. I didn't realize Dux was so exciting (sarcasm) and rural

While driving today I had the pleasure of listening to an original Kate song that went something like: "You can sing (x20), we can sing together, aaaand we can look at the sky. I was wondering about thaaaat. Aaaaand Buzz Light Year will come rescue uuuuus. Aaaaand we can ride in the car. Aaaaand we can hold hands." I couldn't stop smiling.

I woke up in the middle of the night with a migraine and I can't shake it. No sudden movements please...I feel like I'm going to be sick. AND it's not like I can call in sick from my job.....I'll take that tranquilizer gun today.

So, I get the three kids on the couch for an Aladdin video, and when I turned the t.v. on (and before I could see the screen) I hear, "Well if you wanted a sperm donor so bad why didn't you just walk down the beach in your pink bikini. That's one way to get some." Turns out it was one of those trashy mid-day divorce ...court type shows. Thankfully no voices from the couch asked, "what's a sperm donor?"

I rescued Princess Jasmine, Bell, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White, from the rain this morning. Does this mean I'm going to live happily ever after?

My elderly neighbor just asked, while staring at my belly, if I was expecting again. I smiled back and said, "No, I'm just fat." HUGH MASSIVE SIGH.... goodbye again my sweet little desserts.......see you 40 or so pounds from now.

At the deli the guy kept calling out "# 511"- I just stood there & smiled-I was sure 512 was in my hand. Then I realized the few old men that had been standing around the counter had left & I was the only one waiting. Deli guy said, "you must be 511 b/c 512 hasn't been taken yet." I looked down, yup - 511. I tried ...to explain that I had 3 little kids that had drained me of my brain. Then I asked for some ham.

My 4 year old son and 3 year old daughter were "flying" swinging on the swing set (you know, when you lie across the swing with your arms and legs out pretending to fly). My son to his 19 month old sister: "Kelly, try and see if you can run past us without getting hit!" I'm SO glad I heard that and was able to intervene before Kelly got her second shiner in two weeks (or a nose job).

I was at Job Lot (kind of like a building 19 but not...but with the same smell)....and I saw Silver Palate brand "Thick and rough" oatmeal.... am I the only one that thinks that name is comment worthy?

I want a hamburger. No, a cheeseburger. I want a hot dog. I want a milkshake.....

I was gone from facebook all last week and now I'm fb binging!!! Must. get. a. life!!!! (at least this kind of binging won't make me gain more weight :-)

I was at Trader Joe's today and they ran out of the sample item of the day - cinnamon rolls. I was sad until I saw the guy pull out root beer and vanilla ice cream. I'm not a girl who'll say no to a root beer float (or a cinnamon roll...). Trader Joe's ROCKS MY WORLD!!!

Remember when David Spade said to Chris Farley, "I can actually hear you getting fatter" in Tommy Boy? Yeah well, I would have welcomed a rude comment like that at some point during "vacation" seeing as I'm visibly fatter than when we left. I would have at least slowed my mouth down a little while eating fried food and ice cream.

I'm back from "vacation" (let's face it I'm not going to have a real "vacation" until my kids are at least 5 years older, or not with me :-). I'd like to refer to it as, "spending even more time with my darling children in a different environment". Did you miss me?

With each new day a part of me that I never knew surfaces, and begins to shine.

Whoever said, "parent's should not use t.v. as a babysitter" and "children should not watch more than 2 hours of t.v. a day", didn't have: a. kids, b. three kids ages four and under, c. strep throat while taking care of 3 kids, d. a brain, e. three kids stuck inside on a rainy day, f. fb :-), g. disgusting humidity out...side, h. kids (oh, did I already write that??), i. a brain (guess I wrote that too).

It's 3 am and I'm up with strep throat and a killer headache. Just waiting for the most recent supply of Advil to kick in. FYI, if you've been thinking about getting strep (b/c you haven't had it in a while, or b/c you just want a good ol' fashioned sore throat) ...DON'T! I'd rather be barfing right now than have t...his! I'll take that tranquilizer gun right about now,,,maybe I'll go sit on my front lawn.

First Day of School

Brian started his second year of preschool today in the 4 year old classroom, and Kate started her first year of preschool in the 3 year old classroom. The kids transitioned well and separated easily....me, not so much. Not sure what my deal was, but I was quite teary eyed walking out of the school. Actually, of course I know "what the deal is"...my babies are growing up.

A Good Laugh Courtesy of My Brother :-)

Last week I made spinach/carrot brownies for my kids (they are actually AWESOME). While the kids were shoveling the brownies into their mouths I snapped some pictures and put them up on facebook (I wanted to show people proof that kids WILL eat their veggies, when the veggies are presented in the correct form i.e., hidden in chocolate). One of the pictures showed Brian with a HUGE mouthful of brownie (both inside and outside of his mouth). My brother saw the picture and said, "Skoal would pay millions for this picture!" My brother decided to take it one step further and had the pictures of Brian doctored up a bit. They get funnier each time I look at them. My personal favorite is the shot of "Brian" at the bar. (remember that you can click on the pictures to make them bigger if you're having trouble viewing). PS, I hope none of you are offended by these, and yes, Brian is probably going to kill me when he gets older and finds out about this...well technically he SHOULD focus his anger towards his Uncle Mike, (but mark my words, HE'S the one who will truly be suffering if I EVER catch him with actual chewing tobacco in his mouth!).