Why Lent is SO GOOD!

For lent this year I have four goals:  No posting or commenting on FB (except for an occasional Sunday), spending more time in prayer,  dedicating more time to my family (my number one vocation is wife and mother), and learning more about my faith.

Being off FB and the internet (and I have NOT been perfect with this), even during this short amount of time since lent began, has already brought me a greater sense of inner peace that I've been longing for.  I was finding that  being on FB or spending time on the internet was actually creating a huge void within my heart and soul, and was also creating a constant "static" in my mind that I couldn't turn off.  To try and "fix" the problem, I was spending even MORE time on the internet and FB, searching for something that would calm my mind down, turn off the static, fill the void, but I was like a hamster on a wheel racing around and around, getting nowhere.  It was becoming a vicious cycle of self destruction and I was slowly removing myself (mentally, not physically) from my family and God.   It has only been in taking a step back, shutting off the external "noise", and turning to God, that my mind has become more calm and the static is going away.

What I'm finding is that even though I'm not spending the amount of time I had originally wanted to spend in prayer (a good solid 15 minutes), my time in prayer has increased in quality.  My words are not empty, my heart is IN IT, I'm meaning what I'm saying, and I'm feeling "connected" to God and my faith in a way that I haven't felt in a very long time.  I guess that saying is right, "it's quality not quantity that counts".  In addition, I'm more "there" for my husband and children.  I'm always HERE physically, but I was finding that I was constantly preoccupied with what other people were doing, who was commenting on my posts, what people were saying, and whether or not a pro-life post I put up would get attacked or debated and if it was, then thinking long and hard about what my response should be i.e., making sure I said the right thing, making sure I was being sensitive to others who might be in pain from having an abortion, trying not to offend others etc.  Too many words, too much time getting upset or frustrated, too many shared articles/links/stories/studies..... not enough time doing what counts the most - time in prayer. 

It's humbling to write this blog post because it's SO honest and SO raw.  Nobody ever likes to admit they've done something wrong, and even though in the grand scheme of life being on FB or the internet is not going to go down as one of the biggest sins of the world,  it's big in MY world and it was negatively affecting MY life.  We all have our "crosses to bear", we all have our demons, we all have our external factors that cause a "void/static/emptiness", we all have our struggles we must overcome, and this is one of mine (well, this and desserts but that is a different blog post for a different time).   Some might also be reading this right now and be thinking, "Well, you're blogging right now - you're still on the internet" and yes, this is true, but this is more of a journal entry.  I wanted this down in writing so that I could come back to it and read it again in the future so that I could remember a lesson learned.

Time for this blog entry to come to a close but before I go and tend to my beautiful children (who I have NOT ignored by writing this - they are playing quite happily with each other right now) I will quote Pope Benedict XVI and one of his beautiful reflections on Mary in the book "Maria" that I'm reading right now (see - goal 4 of lent - "learning more about my faith"):  "Life is like a voyage on the sea of history, often dark and stormy, a voyage in which we watch for the stars that indicate the route.  The true stars of our life are the people who have lived good lives.  They are the lights of hope.  Certainly Jesus Christ is the true light.....but to reach him we also need lights close by......Who more than Mary could be a star of hope for us? With her "yes" she opened the door of our world to God himself; she became the living Ark of the Covenant.  When you (Mary) hastened with holy joy across the mountains of Judea to see your cousin Elizabeth, you became the image of the Church to come, which carries the hope of the world in her womb across the mountains of history."   This reflection touched me so deeply because I'm pregnant and he's talking about a pregnant Mary, because life really IS often times "dark and stormy" and because I love when Mary is referred to as "the new Ark of the Covenant".  THIS (and prayer)  is the kind of stuff that is filling the void, calming the static, bringing me closer to God and in turn bringing my focus back to where it belongs - my husband and my children.